The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
