we have pet lesbian snakes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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