: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
