omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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