When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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