Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
