if you like me you must not know who I am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize