just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
