never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
