There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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