we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
