If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize