I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
