After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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