could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
