Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
