mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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