Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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