He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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