I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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