I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
