VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
