The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
