Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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