There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
