mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
