Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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