Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
