You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
