North Korea, Best Korea!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
