She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
