I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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