you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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