We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
