Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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