That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize