So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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