I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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