I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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