I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
