No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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