the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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