Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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