Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mom said you looked used
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
