Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the liver wants what the liver wants
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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