seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
