so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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