..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
