I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
