and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
