Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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