Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
