you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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