The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
