I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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