shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
