The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
