What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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