My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize