i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
