put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
where are my eyebrows?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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