this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize