So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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