I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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