New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
