I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
